Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
