I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
