I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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