Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
