her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
