I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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