Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
