What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
