dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
