I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
