where am i from again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
