Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
