coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
