for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
