Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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