Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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