the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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