the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
