on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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