it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
