He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
