Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
