lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
