Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
