Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
