If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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