Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
