Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
