I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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