I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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