Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
