Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
