This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
