So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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