i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
