If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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