whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
did i just pee glitter
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
