She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
God, I missed his penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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