I think my fart just growled at me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
