tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
