Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
