Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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