maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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