His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
