great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
