after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
50% drunk capacity currently
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
