If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
