we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
