Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
