Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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