weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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