I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
