What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
