tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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