we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
