fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
