please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
