I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wakey wakey hands off snakey
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
