I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
