She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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