I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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