I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
