why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
