I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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