brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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