Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
smell my finger.
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize