She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
