I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
