I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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