I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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