I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
