last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
