the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
