Moan for me like Helen Keller
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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