Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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