did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
