he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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