bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
