Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
