YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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